Grumpy Blogs about life, dreams and Work

Anvil, Milk’s father has brain cancer. To his family and friends he wrote the following. I love it. I asked his permission to post on Grunge Ogre. He agreed. When I get cancer from cigarette smoking, hopefully I will approach it the same. Enjoy.

--

Cancer Notes # 3, December 20, 2007 Holiday Edition

Well, I have some very good news. After 30 days of radiation, 3 cycles of chemotherapy, and Avastin infusions every two weeks, I seem to be winning. The operative phrase is “clean scans.” That means that when you line up the four MRI’s I’ve had (just prior to surgery, post-surgery, 2 months later, and 2 months after that), what you see is a disturbingly large white splotch in the left frontal lobe. Then it shrinks, and shrinks, and shrinks, and then Poof, it’s gone !

I had no idea what an emotional volcano I’d been sitting on for five months. As I entered the elevator I simply burst into a flood of tears and loud honking noises that scared the hell out of the four passengers . . . .and me. It reminded me of the next-to-last scene in Sense and Sensibility when Emma Thompson discovers that Hugh Grant is not married and is, thus, available to her.

I arrived home from the hospital just in time to get a call from The Chief Necromancer
(oncologist) saying that a) while it’s a good thing to get clean scans; b) it doesn’t mean I am healed: “this is a marathon, not a sprint.” I thanked him for his concern and asked if
there was one day in which his schedule and mine would allow for me to lay down this 1000 lb. f**king anvil I’ve been carrying.

Maybe he’s right, and the wisest course is to try to maintain emotional equilibrium- not too high or low, so I’ll be less devastated when I get bad news. This is wholly counterintuitive to me; since my normal tropism is pessimism, do I want to close off any available pathway to feeling great ?

I’ll raise all of this at the next meeting of the Brain Tumor Patient and Caregivers Group at the Santa Monica Wellness Center, which Elf and I have been attending for a few weeks. This has been a good move for us

First of all, we feel useful to others. We’re older than most of the group and some of them seem to feel we have some wisdom that they lack. Good, let them think that.

Second, I believe this group setting will be of special help to Elf. Professional opinion seems split on whether we are more comfortable baring our emotions and telling our secrets to: a) family/friends or b) strangers. Elf, I can tell you, is in group B.Her sisters and friends have, for 16 years, tried to get her to speak about her Parkinson’s Disease. To no avail. I believe it will happen here.

Third, we hear some amazing stories of courage in fighting back at the EFFECTS of the tumor, such as a 35-year old woman’s husband got angry at how little time she was devoting to him that he took a scissors and cut her wigs into little pieces.

Fourth, some people love to do Internet research, so the meetings (before and after) are a good time to exchange information about clinical trials and the like.

Some Good Things About Having Cancer

1. The Disabled Person’s Placard (DPP). This is so cool that it’s nearly reason enough to want cancer. You can park anywhere you want and not get a ticket. You can park anywhere there’s a meter and not pay. You can go into any venue and there are usually some reserved for handicapped spaces. It’s absolutely fabulous.
2. People you love and miss visit you. One favorite cousin from Maine flew in. Another, from Chicago, has been here 2 or 3 times. Your weekends and evenings are as full or free as you like. You’re hip, you’re now, you’re chic, you are In. But I also call this the Andy Warhol Factor, meaning enjoy it while you can- it won’t last forever.
3. Your children are extremely attentive and stop giving you sh*t.
4. You are retired- enjoy it.
5. You get a lot of favors and free stuff. People come by and ask you what they can do. Use them. If your wife wants something moved to the top of the closet, ask the next person in the door to do it for you. They’ll be grateful for the chance to help. Don’t be afraid of specific assignments- one friend is a wonderful baker. She now delivers 2 packages of her joyous chocolate cookies every 3rd weekend
(one fresh, one frozen).